Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Oh How The Mighty Have Fallen

When we first moved to this podunk little Texas town, I surveyed the scenery and determined that this town was half white trash and half non-white trash. And oddly enough, everyone was sort of mingled in with everyone else. There were nice houses right next door to run down houses and no one seemed to mind. 

Mind you, I'm not used to this, so of course I turned up my nose at our neighbors who had bedsheets for curtains. I make no apologies for being a bitch sometimes.

Anyvajazzle, we have mainly kept to ourselves since moving here in April. We've only met one of our neighbors and she lives three houses down from us. And although I don't think I mean to, I've always felt a little superior to the other neighbors around us.

All of that changed this morning.

The hubs called about seven this morning and said he'd forgotten to feed the horses because he was running late, and would I mind running out and feeding them. I had just gotten out of the shower, so I was wearing pajama pants and an old fire school shirt of the hubs that had at least five holes in it, and had another old shirt wrapped around my head to dry my hair. Sexy, right? Since it was so early, I figured that our crackhead neighbors weren't up yet, so I'd just run out and feed really quick. Did I mention that I didn't have on a bra? 

I could tell that the wind was crazy wild outside, so i grabbed a cardigan out of the closet and ran out the door.

Oh, wait, I also pulled on cowboy boots and tucked my pajama pants into them. I'm so stylish.

After I'd been out there long enough to go into the shed, pour up the feed, and come back outside to grab the feed buckets, I got the feeling I was being watched. It was then that I realized that my crackhead neighbors were indeed awake, and were sitting on their back porch watching me. And they had guests.

I closed up the shed and ran back into the house as quickly as I could with my head down.

So much for feeling superior. I've spent the last half hour researching how to live my new white trash lifestyle. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'll be hanging out on my back porch with a Virginia Slim and a 40 oz while Baby Butterbean runs around in nothing but a diaper that's sagging down to her knees.


Katie said...

I got distracted when you said you had horses. FUN!

andygirl said...


now, I didn't know you had horses. we are soul mates for sure. I had a horse growing up, named Root Beer Float. and showed western. NOW, what kind horses do you have and names please.

Jen said...

Put a car on blocks in your front yard and change baby's name to Jim Bob or Peggy Sue or some other double name. Oh, and PLEASE give the child coke in a bottle. It's a requirement.

Hold on, my toddler wants more laffy taffy.......

Butterbean said...

Katie - does that mean that you didn't read the rest of the post and you don't think I'm white trash!?

Andy - a welsh pony named Speed To The Lead who has no energy to run because he's so fat (ironic, huh?) and an appaloosa named Sassy who is the most temperamental horse I've ever met. I guess you could say we have one and a half horses??

pee ess? I love the name Root Beer Float! We once had one named Blue Bell, like the ice cream company.

Jen - What about Billie Sue? Strong, yet feminine?

B said...

HA! Coke in a bottle. Awesome.

B said...

P.S. I just looked over at D and said, "Can you please bare witness that my verification word is cackypoo?!"

Butterbean said...

B - well we obviously know what word verification thinks of my post!

Ms. Salti said...

Oh, what I would have given to be there to witness it all! We all have our white trash moments... just don't make a habit out of it!

Melissa (A Gracious Calm) said...

You're so classy. :)

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