Friday, January 14, 2011

We Can Just Start Rolling the Clock Backwards, Right?

Friends, I am run ragged. My hair has lost it's sheen, my eyes are bloodshot, my hands are chapped, and I'm pretty sure my head is going to explode if this headache doesn't go away soon. In other words, I'm stressed. This party planning has gotten the best of me. And not because it's hard, because it's not, it's really a breeze. What's gotten to me the most is the emotional whirlwind that I've been in for the last few weeks.

I can feel an emotional breakdown right around the corner. Almost like it's teetering on the edge, and anything could push it over.

I cannot believe that I'm having such a hard time with my baby turning one. I knew it would tug on my heartstrings a bit, but I didn't think it would yank my heart right out of my chest.

Don't get me wrong, I'm glad she's growing up. I'm so proud of how smart she is, and how she has the most bubbly personality that I've ever seen. She loves people and loves to make them smile and laugh. She has the biggest personality to be such a teeny tiny little girl. She makes me smile and laugh daily. I love the fact that she comes over to me just to curl up in my lap and hug me. She has made my life complete. But it kills me that she's not going to be my little baby anymore.

It seems like just last week that I was holding her in my arms for the first time. Or lying awake at three in the morning watching her sleep in the cradle next to me. I can clearly remember those hungry cries in the middle of the night. I remember her first smile, her first giggle, the first time she sat up and the first time she crawled. So many things have happened in the last year. 

I guess the reason that I'm so distraught over this is that it's all gone by too quickly. Soon I will begin to forget some of these details. Her sweet baby smell will disappear. She'll eventually stop cuddling with me. She'll soon be a young woman and will be too big for me to rock in my arms. 

I look forward to watching her grow and I know that my heart will swell with pride with each passing day. There will be new milestones to celebrate. There will be many more hugs and kisses. There will be many more smiles and giggles. And there will be many more tears.

I know that I'm so blessed to have such a happy, healthy and beautiful little girl. But, I'd give anything to slow down time. Or at least be able to go back to last year at this time and hold my brand new baby girl just one more time.

2 comments:

B said...

Aww, you poor thing! I wish I knew what to tell you to make you feel better, aside from having a one-year-old? It's great. GREAT. I mean, I totally love it.

Check out this post: http://theheirtoblair.com/2011/01/12/toddlers-infants/

Maybe it will help?

andygirl said...

aww! just steal someone else's baby. that what I do when I need my fix of baby smell.

I mean, I don't DO that, but I want to. oh how I want to.

Pin It button on image hover