Tuesday, June 28, 2011

It's Tuesday, and You've Pissed Me Off

No, not you. My readers never piss me off. Y'all are wonderful. Really, you all deserve awards. Ok, enough sucking up. Let's get to the people who do piss me off, m'kay?

I'm in Austin today, which means that my anxiety and my blood pressure are sky high. Don't get me wrong, I *love* Austin, however, I don't like most of the people who live here. So I've decided to bitch about them today. Aren't y'all in for a treat!?

Dude Who Parks Too Close
Listen, I know you think you're a stud in your big ol' pickup truck, but that's no reason to be an ass. You seem to be in perfectly good health, so why must you have the very front parking space? There's no logical reason. But, since you insisted on parking in the very first space, and your truck is huge, you parked so close to me that I had to move out of my space in order to let my mother into the passenger side. You, sir, are a douche. Why not park at the end of the aisle with the rest of the trucks next time?

Woman Who Hauls Ass Down The Freeway
I get it, you have a fast car and a rich husband. That, however, does not entitle you to tailgate and swerve through traffic like a mad woman. I understand that you're probably late for your appointment to get your Botox injections, but seriously? You're pissing me off. If you make me curse in front of my daughter, I will follow you and make you pay. Oh, and that snotty look you give people as you pass them by? Makes you look like a horse.

Austin Traffic in General
You people are freaking crazy! It's like all of you are bipolar! One minute your driving too fast, then everyone slams on their brakes at the same time. You change lanes without looking or signaling and you're all texting at the same time! Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not the world's best driver, and I do have a bit of a lead foot and a touch of road rage, but I like to think I'm pretty safe when my baby is with me. So please, hang up the phone, use your blinker, and at least go the speed limit. Maybe then my blood pressure will go down and I won't have the urge to shank every one of you.

Thanks for your cooperation,
J

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

3 comments:

Alicia said...

lol i HATE when people park too close!!! seriously makes me furious!! remind me never to drive in austin :)

Ms. Salti said...

I think shanking is justified in all of the above scenarios!

Beth Brakewood said...

As an Austinite, I must heartily agree with all of this.

Born in Houston, I was bred on the fast, aggressive streets. And I love driving in LA because at least there people know how to drive when traffic gives them the chance.

But Austin. [shakes head in disbelief] These people are the worst of all worlds.

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