Tuesday, March 13, 2012

What Should I Do?

We all have those friends. The ones who we're stuck like glue with in grade school, and high school, but once you're both out in the real world, you grow apart.

You try to keep in touch via emails, phone calls, texting, sometimes even snail mail. But eventually you fall victim to your new adult life, and time goes by and you don't speak anymore. Then, one day you run into your old friend somewhere, and you catch up for a minute, and then part ways promising to "get together soon". And most of the time, that "soon" never comes.

 The reason for this post is that I have a dilemma. I have a one of these "friends", someone who I was so close with growing up, but we have since parted ways. Now, here's my dilemma. She is recently engaged, and has not only invited The Hubs and I to the engagement party, the bridal shower, and wedding, but she has asked if M can be a flower girl. And I'm torn. I mean, I'm so very, very happy for her, and I wish her a very long and happy life, but I'm just not sure I want to attend the wedding, and I'm definitely not sure about M being in the bridal party.

Here's the thing, if we go for years without talking, aside from the occasional facebook comment here and there, why do you suddenly want me to attend every wedding related party, and have my child be a part of the ceremony? 

Now, listen, I'm really not trying to be rude. I'm just saying that it's almost like inviting a very distant cousin to your wedding, because we no longer know anything about each other. We've both grown, and changed. And I know that some could argue that she would like to be friends again, but, if that were the case, wouldn't she have reached out sooner? Wouldn't she have come to M's first birthday party? She was invited, after all!
Source: someecards.com via J on Pinterest

Anyway, I just don't know what to do. We received the invitation to the engagement party, and I'm supposed to RSVP soon, but I just don't know what to say. So obviously the right thing to do is to ask you, my darling readers! What would you do if you were in my shoes? Suck it up and attend all of the festivities? Just attend the wedding? Let M be their flower girl? Tell me what to do!! Because obviously y'all should be the ones to make all of my life decisions, right?



Christine Marie said...

I say no to M being a flower girl. I would explain that between her age and not knowing anyone there, you wouldn't want her to freeze up and/or scream and run away. Kids at that age are too unpredictable. I was leery about allowing my girl be one and that was for my best friend's wedding. (Thankfully, she had her brother to walk her down the aisle.)
With that out of the way, it'll be easy to get out of anything else you don't want to attend.

And hey, if you go to the wedding, you can always leave early. I mean, there's nothing wrong with a free dinner and free drinks, right? It might make a good blog post afterwards.

Suze said...

While I did not have a daughter who was asked to be in the wedding, I was in a similar situation not too long ago. I went to the wedding, but not the other events.

I agree with Christine Marie that I don't think I would want M to be a flower girl. Especially since the friend did not even come to the first birthday party! I think it would be easy to get out of as well. As sh said, with her not knowing anyone and her age, I would just tell her that you aren't comfortable with that. I think that's totally okay.

I don't think you're rude either by feeling this way- just realistic.

Orangies Attic said...

I agree with Christine... no to the flower girl (and that's an easy one to explain away), but I would go to the wedding at least. You all have obviously been at different stages of life, which may explain some of the "distance"... now that she's getting married and maybe soon to have her own kids, you might be surprised to find your friendship become more relevant. I have one of those lifelong friends... literally didn't speak to her for 20 years with the exception of Christmas cards, we recently reconnected and I really do consider her a true and dear friend. This girl must think very highly of you, and there is really nothing like someone who has known you your entire life.

Amber Watson said...

I've learned that the friends I once had only come back around to my neck of the woods when THEY NEED something. To me that is not friendship.

Friendship is a two way street. It's like any working relationship. It takes two people. If you have gone your seperate ways due to nature, but YOU have made an effort to re-incorporate her and she failed to reciprocate.

I honestly would say no to M being in the wedding and politely decline the invitation. If you're questioned as to why, I would explain that you don't feel comfortable considering the state of your "friendship".

Or, if you want to have said friendship with this person, offer to meetup in a non wedding related fashion and play catch up. Use this time to figure out if you can really re-establish a friendship or if that's really what the motive is, or maybe her motive is she just needs a little girl in her wedding party.

I think you'll make the right choice. You're smart :)

Amber said...

That's a tough one. I do find it a little odd that she wants your daughter in the party when she doesn't "know" you all that well anymore. I say maybe attend the wedding, not all that extra wedding stuff, and that's that. Surely she'll be happy if you at least go to the wedding.

Krystal said...

I'd def do the wedding events - maybe a chance to reconnect? But, I'd skip the flower girl invitation!

Neely said...

I think go with your gut! But I think maybe attend the wedding but thats it.

Meg O. said...

I might be a little heartless and passive here, but you could always say that you had plans that came up the weekend of the wedding (especially if you don't think you want to attend anyway). And then just go to some of the other events and send a present. I know that is non-confrontational, but it doesn't put whatever friendship is there at risk. I mean, even if you tried to come up with a good reason for M to not be a flower girl, she still might get her feelings hurt. But that's just me... I try to be diplomatic about everything.

LWLH said...

I'd attend the wedding but wouldn't let M be the flower girl. It just seems awkward to have your daughter be in someone's wedding party who wasn't really even involved in her life. It would be different if you guys were still close but you're obviously not.

Just my opinion tootz :)

andieclark said...

I think what your friend wants to say is that even if you have parted ways, she still considers you as a friend. See, distance doesn't matter, for her, once a friend, always a friend. But you do have a point. It made me reminisce my wedding at the Long Island wedding venues, it was lovely because all my friends whom I haven't seen for quite some time were there.

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