Tuesday, June 25, 2013

What I've Learned In My 7 Years of Marriage

Seven years isn't a long time compared to say, 20, 30, or 40, but it's a long time for me. It's the longest relationship I've ever had. I've learned a lot in 7 years, some silly things, and some really important things. I've learned what works for us and what doesn't. In fact, I'm still learning. But, I wanted to share with y'all what I've learned (learnt?) this far.

Forget the whole "don't go to bed angry" nonsense. 

I go to bed angry all the time, and you know what happens? 9 times out of 10, everything's fine in the morning. We aren't piping mad anymore, and we're able to look back on our argument and discuss it without harsh emotions. Then we're able to laugh it off and move on.

That being sad, never sleep on the couch because you're pissed.

Even if I'm seeing red because I'm so angry, I still sleep in the bed with B. It seems to help with the cool down period, and we wake up cuddled up in the morning. Which makes it even harder to be mad about anything.

Fight fair.

Here's what I mean, no ugly name calling, no throwing each other's past in the other person's face. When I'm fightin' mad, I'm mean as hell. I'm an ugly fighter, I hit below the belt and kick you when you're down. I've really worked to keep this in check, and I still have to remind myself to be nice when we're arguing.

Ogle them.

I think my husband is hot, and apparently other women do too, because they flirt and stare with him when we're out in public. And if they can, I can too, right? I check him out when he's standing across the room at parties, I flirt with him while we're grocery shopping, I compliment his butt handsomeness when we're hanging out. In short, I give him attention, and he gives it in return. It's good to know that your partner still thinks you're hot stuff.

Give them some space.

B and I both like to spend as much time together, seeing as how he works 6 days a week, but we also know that we need our space too. We normally kind of veg out at night once M goes to bed. He sits on his end of the couch, and I sit on mine. He plays on his phone, I read blogs and catch up on email, and we'll have the tv on in the background. We're still together, but doing our own thing. We also take a day or two each month to go do our own thing. One of us will hang out with M for awhile while the other goes to get their hair cut or something like that.

You can't change their family, and they can't either.

I'm going to let you in on a little secret. B and I both come from.... "difficult families". Our families have caused a lot of arguments between us, which is absolutely ridiculous. We have no control over our families. It's ok to not like your in-laws. There's no rule that says you have to be their best friend. But here's the thing, they're your significant other's family, and they'll always be there. If you don't like being around them, talk to your partner about it, but understand that asking them to cut ties, or not go around them, is unfair. It's best just to suck it up, bite your tongue, and get it over with. Cause moaning and groaning about it ain't gonna help anything.

Now, let it be known that I am certainly no marriage counselor. But, if you need more advice, please feel free to email me with any questions. Be sure and provide your PayPal account so I can invoice you for my time. No, seriously, my advice is free. Mostly because you can't charge for a service like that if you aren't licensed.

Do you have any relationship advice to share? 

Tomorrow Bri from Diary of a Mad Housewife and I are hosting a new link-up! It's a one time only, guilty pleasures link-up. All about things that are no good for us, but totally worth it. I hope you'll come link up with us! 

Let's be friends! 


Micah said...

Love your new look. Isn't Jana awesome?

I also really liked today's post. I totally agree with your dismissal of "don't go to bed angry." Sometimes a good night's sleep will help clear the mind.

Nicole @ Sweet Tea Proper said...

As a soon to be wife, I always enjoy reading other's advice. Congratulations on 7 years together! I hope you have many more. Thanks for all of the advice!


Melissa Davenport said...

I really like your new blog look!

My husband & I will be celebrating our 4th wedding anniversary. We've known each other for nearly six years. One of the things we do is have fun together. We laugh, dance in the kitchen, sing made up lyrics to each other.. And we're nice to each other. I think it makes a difference!

jessica said...

I am OBSESSED with your new blog design!!! Love love love it. I should have mine soon too, when she's back from vacay and I can't wait :)

And wow. I can totally relate to you on the family thing. I'm the one with the difficult family and it finally took me 7 years of being with Ronnie to finally not LET them get in the way anymore. He's also learned to not pick so many fights over them too, it helps :)

Angela said...

Great advice! Congrats on 7 years together. It's almost been 2 years for me and we are definitely still working on things.

Would appreciate if you checked out my blog

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